Discipline can mean treats

Imagine you have all what you want in front of you. It can be an ice cream, or a football game with your favorite team, a night out at the coolest bar, a great movie..  and then your car breaks down, or your flight is delayed, or the electricity goes off. That is how I feel right now. And I need to turn to the least strong side of me that I have – discipline.

I have a back problem, and I have been in rehab and other treatments for the last 4 months and I have been doing really well. I have started to come back to my normal self and could see the light at the end of the tunnel. Until a day last week when it all turned and I was thrown back at least 6 months of my progression. Acute pain and feeling 150 years older in a few hours is a very demotivating feeling, one week prior a well planned trip to my beloved Norway, to a mountain I have been checking out for a few years and have longed to climb. This is Trolltunga. Anyone who has been there knows what I am talking about.

I have a weakness, which is that I do what I want rather than what I should. I work late instead of going home, going for a walk or to the gym. As I work late, I don’t always have time to cook so I order food or eat wrong things. I am a social animal so I chat with friends until late and don’t sleep enough. I date a guy even if I know he is not for me. Ok, not all the time, but I do these things that I know I shouldn’t. And I have had the same arguments with myself about this trip, as I want to go! I LOVE my mountains! I also want to meet my cousin Ann Kristin and my friends Daria and Alex and share this experience with them. I mentioned this to my friend Mariama, who is a very clever woman. She just turned around to me and said;
“This is not easy but its clear.  Its called discipline. You cant risk to have a lifelong condition for one trip. Anything can happen if you don’t listen to your body now.”

How can something be so hard to realize and when someone else says it, its so clear. Discipline.

Due to all this pain and demotivation last week, I felt very low and cried more than I have done in a long time. So many emotions were tumbling around and I had no choice but to let it out. Part of rehab and healing is to admit and work with the pain and the issues, so you can address the problem and move forward. But is not as easy as it sounds. On Saturday I had a little break-through. After an hour of something close to healing, as he couldn’t do the normal massage as I was in pain, by a massage therapist, and after me quietly crying again until I had no tears left, I left the clinic and walked through my little village. Such a strange feeling. Something had left me for sure and I felt better. The massage therapist had also said that No, I shouldn’t attempt that mountain, for sure not, but Yes, I should go and heal my soul in surrounding I love.

So tomorrow I am off to Bergen to meet my great friends and cousin, to spend the weekend in the mountains. They are going on the hike while I will treat myself to fab day around the campsite. I am a bit jealous but still happy that I can get some of it. And that is a lot more than many others get, so I should really consider myself lucky. So I guess discipline still can mean treats, so I will consider that more often J